Pandemic Motherhood Diary, Entry 25: Should We Keep Him in Pre-K?

My big boy was having a normal morning, proceeding with his normal routine. He groomed, ate breakfast while watching Ryan’s World, and got dressed just in time to head to his three-and-a-half-hour day of school. We headed to the garage; he climbed into his car seat and waited for me to strap him in. Before I could put his little brother into his seat, I looked over, and my preschooler was covered in vomit. His entire uniform, the floor, and his car seat were coated in oatmeal. It appeared to me that our son’s common cold had graduated to a stomach bug.

Following several fevers, runny noses, and a stubborn cough that often led to vomiting, our son appeared to have rolled into the next illness. There was no coughing episode this time. No warning. It was very quiet, which worried me even more than before. It was just a light gag, and that led to vomit everywhere. I called my husband to let him know that school was an aborted mission for the day and that we needed to get answers immediately. The school day turned into a day at the doctor’s office, where we left with more questions than answers.

For the past two months – since my son’s first week of school – he has been sick. Because germs pass so easily, and our sons are often glued to each other’s hips, that means our youngest has been ill as well. There have been countless sleepless nights filled with coughing, whining, and sometimes vomiting. It has been bad enough for me to consider pulling my child out of school. 

To make matters more worrisome, we received a letter regarding our sick child’s absences and had to address them. Apparently, after your child misses a certain amount of days, the school sends a letter home in attempts to set up a conference. Of course, the notice didn’t sit well with my husband and me. Our priority will always be the well-being of our child. The idea of that being scrutinized and questioned further frustrated an already frustrating situation. After playing phone tag and reaching out to set up a conference of some sort, all we got was a phone call that my husband took care of. The administrator informed us about the constant sanitization that had been taking place in the pre-K classrooms because so many kids were constantly ill. To learn that they knew this but were seemingly insensitive to our situation bugged us even more.

Since my child’s ongoing sickness, I realized that I miss being in isolation with them. Some days, I just want to go back to being locked away in our home, enjoying episodes of Ms. Monica’s Circle Time, where I watched them learn and do freeze dance. I knew that one day my kids would go to school. I knew sooner than later my oldest would be the first out of the nest. But I did not anticipate this level of worry. The ills of the world have made relaxing into motherhood so impossible, and some days, I just need a minute to forget just how concerning so many things are. My child being constantly sick has kept me on edge.

These past couple of months as a new mom of a pre-kindergartener, I wondered about all of the parents who felt a sense of excitement when their child went to school for the first time. Or maybe there were fears, but were their fears different from mine? There was no COVID-19 three-plus years ago. Before that, I imagine that parents were concerned about their children catching colds from other kids. However, they never had the added worry of wondering if the sickness was covid. 

As if worrying about the virus isn’t enough, we also have the added concern of school shootings. What started out as a typical conversation about my toddler’s day turned into him describing a school shooter drill that he partook in. Apparently, someone brought a gun to campus, and we didn’t find out about it until the day was over. There I was waiting in the pick-up line wondering why all of the kids were coming out later than usual. The whole time there was an incident and we were all unaware of it. This just added more cons to my list of reasons for missing our isolation bubble.

Deep down, I want to pull my son out of school. I know it sounds drastic, and in some regards, it may sound a bit privileged. His going to school right now wasn’t mandatory. It was a choice since he was only three years old. We thought it might do him some good to dip his toes in the water and see how he liked it. Well, here’s the thing: My son absolutely loves school. I adore him talking to me in detail about his entire day. He names his peers, activities he did and always wants to know if he’s going back. How dare I miss our bubble when my son is experiencing so much joy. Despite his illnesses, he has remained excited about school. As his mother, I can’t imagine taking that away from him.

Melissa Menny is an author with a Bachelor of Arts degree in Journalism. She is a poet and a writer in all aspects. When she is not working, she enjoys painting, music, and spending time with her husband and two sons.

This is the most recent in a series of essays about raising young children in the COVID era. Read entry 24 here.