Whatever Normal Means After COVID: Pandemic Motherhood Diary, Entry 13

After the runny noses, crying kids who couldn’t stand taking medication, and lingering coughs for everyone, we finally returned to “normal.” Whatever normal means after COVID.

Every day since has been a bold italicized question mark. I have been on edge with every idea, errand, and outing. We experienced one of the most traumatic lows as a family. It was heartbreaking to see your babies in agony, knowing that you can only do so much to comfort them. It is definitely the kind of situation that I do not want to repeat. With that in mind, every concern has been magnified. I know what can happen. Why would I ever want to deal with it again? 

Interestingly enough, following the negative tests, we really wanted to get out of the house. After the horror, we wanted to do something fun with the kids. Vitamin D was calling. We were going stir-crazy. Taking a drive just wasn’t enough. After many debates, delays, and planning, we decided to brave a public space with caution. We went to an arcade.

We chose a weekday evening to go out for dinner and games. The moment I walked into the building, I froze. It immediately felt wrong. There were, of course, more people without masks than with them. Noticing that ratio alone made me feel so irresponsible and agitated. But we saw it through. Our sons were full of energy and neon-colored smiles from all of the entertainment around them. Although my husband and I were masked with holstered hand sanitizer ready to go, it was nice. 

I wasn’t sure how to feel or even how to respond to the pandemic initially. I remember I stayed indoors for 30 days just trying to process and learn about what was happening in the beginning. Since this experience, it has been a tug of war between letting our guard down and safeguarding us all. As parents, we want our family to experience joy outside our home. The harsh reality is we can’t control everything. All we can do is be cautious, make sound decisions, and just live our lives. 

This is part of our ongoing series, Pandemic Motherhood Diaries. Read the last entry here.

Melissa Menny is an author with a Bachelor of Arts degree in Journalism. She is a poet and a writer in all aspects. When she is not working, she enjoys painting, music, and spending time with her husband and two sons.