Pandemic Motherhood Diary, Entry 48: The COVID Time Warp

“Mama, I already know what I want to do for my birthday. I told my friend, and he says he wants to come to my party.” I looked at my son, puzzled, since he has only been six for three months. However, he knows it’s a new year, and he’s already imagining what his seventh birthday festivities will look like.

My mind has yet to process the fact that he is six and my youngest is four years old. As I process this time warp, I often ask myself where did the time go? Yes, parents often wonder this as they watch their babies become toddlers. Unfortunately, the pandemic has made this statement feel more literal. Seriously, where has the time gone? 

With every passing year since the pandemic began, people have expressed feeling disjointed from time. Why do the months feel gone within a week and the year feels compressed? Apparently, it’s been coined the “pandemic time skip.” Research has shown that our perception of time has been altered due to isolation and the anxiety that came with fear, missed celebratory milestones, and mundanity.

For a lot of us, the pandemic magnified the need to move forward. To accomplish goals. To make new memories. So many of our memories are best socialized with a specific setting, an event, or an adventure. However, our entire way of life was compromised, and how we were forced to maneuver changed our perception of time. The normalcy around many things, including how we shopped, navigated work, and how we acknowledged birthdays and holidays made 24 hours feel different. We missed so much that it almost feels like those parts were a blur or didn’t happen at all.

In 2019, my husband and I hosted a baby shower for our first son; in 2021 we had just an e-vite to our registry for our second son. I went from having my husband in the room with me to confirm our first pregnancy to going alone because of restrictions during my second. I went from telling my godmother in person about my first pregnancy to calling her for the second because I didn’t want to put her at risk. She met one son and unfortunately passed before she could meet the second. There are many parts of my children’s early months and years that went by in a blink. Besides feeling time run away from me, the loved ones that never got to hold them at their younger stages saddens me.

Stepping into motherhood during a period of worldwide uncertainty and little outside support was not what I had envisioned. I saw parties with family and friends to celebrate their birthdays and major milestones. I saw playdates regularly and outings where they could play freely. I saw sick days that I could easily consult someone else about, because I wasn’t paranoid that it could be the deadly virus. When I throw out my sons’ old clothes that no longer fit and toys they have fallen out of love with, I can’t help but feel bittersweet. Everything that I was promised parenting would be was halted. 

The pandemic time skip has been a quiet phenomenon. Still, it has impacted all of us, even if we don’t acknowledge it or aren’t aware. We grieved not only the passing of loved ones, but the swift passing of time as well. And though many of us feel like we have aged faster than we’ve desired and watched our experiences be reduced to zooms and drive-by acknowledgements, we have still found a way to live. Many of us have been forced to create new habits and communities that helped us move forward, while learning to bask in every moment. 

Nowadays, me and my husband have become more intentional about our kids spending time with family and friends, with caution of course. We take them out every weekend and our time together is undivided attention. I don’t know if the pandemic is the sole wiring of how we parent now, but it definitely played a part. There is no way to get back the time from the earliest parts of their lives but we are making sure that they don’t feel the effects in the way that we have. 

As my son plans out his seventh birthday, which is nine months away, I watch him speak. I observe his mannerisms, his enthusiasm, and I actively plan with him. I bask in that excitement with him because I know that those moments are beyond important. They are fleeting. And if the pandemic taught me nothing else, it showed me just how crucial it is to be still with them and to enjoy every minute. 

Melissa Menny is an author with a Bachelor of Arts degree in Journalism and a Masters degree in Criminal Justice. She is a poet and a writer in all aspects. When she is not working, she enjoys painting, music, and spending time with her husband and two sons. This is the most recent in a series of essays about raising young children in the COVID era. Read entry 47 here.