Pandemic Motherhood Diary, Entry 47: Pulled Away From the Church

When the pandemic began, the first place my family and I pulled away from was the church. Because I am Catholic, all I could think about was sharing the chalice, dipping our fingers in shared holy water, and shaking hands to wish each other peace. That was too many opportunities for the virus to spread. It has been five years since attending church regularly, and we have yet to return to our routine.

I remember seeing many congregations adapt to various ways of worshipping. Many joined live feeds for their sermons. Others wore masks and attended church with blocked off pews to enforce distancing. Others proceeded as normal and faced the risk with faith. We chose live feeds to receive our weekly homilies; however, that was short-lived.

I can count on one hand how many times we have seen the inside of a church, excluding funerals. Two baptisms, a confirmation, and two easter services. Even now, my son asks randomly, “Are we going to church?” Unfortunately, I never have a straight answer for him. 

What has changed for me, I often wonder? My beliefs haven’t been interrogated. I still want to continue to introduce God to my kids. And I still believe that the church holds significance. However, it is still hard to proceed as normally as if the church weren’t an easy target for the virus.

Going to church feels like a welcome opportunity to get sick again, especially in a Catholic church. There are multiple services throughout the week and throughout the day, which means hundreds of people, maybe a thousand, pass through those doors regularly. Everyone is in close proximity, very casual and touchy. There is no way that the pews, door handles, the chalice, and hymnals are being sanitized.

What is worse to me is that some people there don’t “believe” the virus was even a threat. There were a large number of religious people who believed it was all a hoax. Even now, some won’t acknowledge that it still is a threat, and that gives me pause.

In the end, I can’t concern myself with other people’s beliefs. At least not entirely. After all, believing it’s a hoax affects others as well. I do miss our time at Mass and want to share aspects of that with our children. However, it’s time for me to seek out other spaces with more like-minded individuals. At least individuals who also agree that COVID-19 is still a valid concern.

Melissa Menny is an author with a Bachelor of Arts degree in Journalism. She is a poet and a writer in all aspects. When she is not working, she enjoys painting, music, and spending time with her husband and two sons.This is the most recent in a series of essays about raising young children in the COVID era. Read entry 46 here.