Pandemic Motherhood Diary, Entry 44: A COVID Notification From Daycare

It has been a couple of weeks since my toddler started daycare. I have finally gone from checking the childcare app every hour to every two hours while at work. In my efforts to focus more and not obsess over my kid being away from me, I somehow missed a message. “Did you see the notification about someone tested positive for COVID at the daycare?” I looked at my husband with confusion. It seemed like the moment I paused obsessing about my child was the moment I should have been the most tuned in and concerned.

We have been dealing with severe symptoms of separation anxiety from our toddler. I didn’t expect everything to be easy or a smooth transition. However, I did not expect frequent tantrums and the sadness that has come with taking him to daycare. It has been a rough couple of weeks, to put it lightly. The last thing I wanted to deal with is the virus and my child being exposed again.

All I could think about was the proximity of everyone in the daycare. I thought about how the kids have little to no boundaries. How all the kids rush to hug him and greet him when he comes in. We are already adjusting to this new uncomfortable change. To add the thought of him becoming ill in the worst way infuriated me.

For starters, we have had to deal with the virus twice since the pandemic began. I will forever remember the torture of feeling helpless and cradling my crying and feverish nine-month-old who refused an oral syringe. Or the time he had minor symptoms and was filled with energy, while I could barely walk to the next room comfortably. The possibility of him testing positive for COVID-19 again is one that I dread deeply.

Although it has been an adjustment, it feels good to see my son having adventures with other kids. I feel a sense of pride when he tells me about his day in excitement. It allows me moments to feel like I have made the right decision.

Reading the details of the COVID-19 message didn’t offer me much relief. The idea of my son continuing to attend daycare didn’t sit well in my spirit. However, I’m forced to accept the reality that I don’t have many choices when it comes to avoiding the possibility of exposure. Both of my sons are around kids and other people every day. My husband leaves the house and works around people every day. And now I have to work around people every day. I hate to just hang on to hope and prayers, but that’s literally the best we can do.

We had a weekend to ponder reality. Luckily, my husband has Fridays off and was able to keep our son home while the facility sanitized. He has since been back and he has not tested positive for the virus or any sicknesses. And honestly, I’m surprised. To say I’m grateful is an understatement. 

Melissa Menny is an author with a Bachelor of Arts degree in Journalism. She is a poet and a writer in all aspects. When she is not working, she enjoys painting, music, and spending time with her husband and two sons.

This is the most recent in a series of essays about raising young children in the COVID era. Read entry 43 here.