Pandemic Motherhood Diary, Entry 17: Showing up for a Friend

A couple of weeks ago, I received an invitation from a friend of mine to attend her wedding shower. After some reservations and inner debates, I decided to RSVP. I put my tea party-themed attire together, kissed my babies, turned my GPS on, and left. I got dressed up for the first time in a long time. The best part was it felt really good showing up for a friend.

Something that I really hadn’t dwelled on during the past couple of years was the number of friendships that took a hit. I had been so hyper-focused on protecting myself, and my family and enjoying quality time with them that the need to focus on others outside of my home was blurred. The bubble that I’ve been living in with my husband and two kids have become the consistent silver lining in everything that’s been going on around us. I have rarely stepped out of it without the fear of catching the virus gnawing at me. Yes, I’m still afraid. I have not and will not adopt the mentality that we had it already, so throw caution to the wind. Absolutely not. Us catching it has actually made me more afraid. So why was this invitation different for me?

The last time I planned to hang out with a friend, I had to cancel because I tested positive for COVID. This was last August. Our brunch date has been on hold since then. Before that, it was canceled outings due to one of us being potentially exposed to the virus. Needless to say, it’s been challenging to maintain friendships outside of texting. Of course, having kids during a pandemic played a part and has caused an overwhelming amount of paranoia. It has made me a no-show. A recluse. After a pep talk from my husband and myself, I decided to put on a cautiously brave face and be present.

The idea of not being able to show up for something as important as my friend’s wedding shower just didn’t sit well with me. The pandemic, unfortunately, has been a double-edged sword. It’s taught many of us that life is too short. As much as I want to continue laying low and protecting my life and those around me, I can’t help but also feel like I’m missing out on others. Yes, being cautious for myself and my loved one is priority number one. But also, to be a balanced and sane human being, I still have to try and be present for others I claim to love. 

Plus, as a mom, especially a multitasking mom, it’s easy to get caught up in the routines of everyday life. Add remote work, and grad school to the mix and, I for sure have forfeited any chance at an active social life. What is life outside of parenting and being a wife? As much as I love my family, it is not healthy to allow that to be all there is. Needless to say, I also found this outing to be a little therapeutic. It was an opportunity to get some me time and dress up. Going from one task to the next leaves little room and little time for any of that. Outside of dressing up for family outings, I hadn’t had the opportunity to put a nice dress on in a long time. Because of that, I went the extra mile. I put on makeup, heels that haven’t seen me in years, and accessories to match. I even bought a tea party-themed hat with a lace veil that draped over my eye. I took the assignment very seriously. My husband stepped into his photographer shoes just to savor the glam. 

In the end, I had a really good time. I was able to see people that I’ve known since I was a child and hadn’t embraced in a really long time. I don’t regret taking precautions these past few years. I don’t regret spending time hunkering down with my family. It has truly been the best. But the wedding shower was a simple reminder of a few things: time is precious and short. Make time to fill the parts of myself that aren’t just trying to be a supermom. Showing up for others is part of showing up for myself as well, and it is worth it. 

This is part of our ongoing series, the Pandemic Motherhood Diary. Read the last entry here.

Melissa Menny is an author with a Bachelor of Arts degree in Journalism. She is a poet and a writer in all aspects. When she is not working, she enjoys painting, music, and spending time with her husband and two sons.