Pandemic Motherhood Diary, Entry 40: A Familiar Feeling of Dread

Since the swearing-in of President Trump, breathing in between “Breaking News” headlines has been few in between. I have been bracing for the impact of every executive order signed and every decision made. All of them are sure to cause a domino effect. America no longer being a part of the World Health Organization is just one of the gut punches. What does this mean for COVID-19? What does this mean for any virus or disease?

It is no secret how the previous Trump presidency handled the revelation of the coronavirus. His mismanagement of the crisis left millions vulnerable, and ultimately, millions of lives were lost. Fear and confusion ran rampant before there was any understanding of what was going on.

Fast forward to now, there are reports of President Trump halting government agency communications, which currently interferes with the spread of the bird flu. As the virus reports become more frequent, public health officials are at a standstill. Sounds familiar? History has already proven that downplaying the reality can lead to a disaster. A disaster that could have been mitigated if managed accordingly. With the silencing of government agencies, not working with the World Health Organization, and putting unqualified leadership in place, the fear of how bad things can get is suffocating.

I remember being postpartum with my then three-month-old when the country shut down. I had finally started feeling comfortable enough to leave my house after healing from an emergency C-section. Following those six weeks, I had no urgent desire to take my newborn anywhere. Suddenly, the world was too big, and I couldn’t stand the smell anywhere. After braving four outings, we were back in the house. My husband and I were confused and afraid of what we were learning about the spread of COVID-19. In a nutshell, the pandemic’s beginning was a memory that none of us will ever forget.

Since then, mandates have been inconsistent and fearmongering about the vaccines continues. Companies and government leaders debated about how to best move forward, which often resulted in placing the needs of consumerism at the forefront. Still, some businesses haven’t survived the last four years, along with millions of Americans. How are we supposed to move forward with confidence that this time around will be any better?

After facing two bouts of the virus, I have no desire to deal with it again. I hope we don’t have to deal with any viruses, but hope isn’t enough. Hope starts to feel very futile when those in power are doing little as possible to protect its citizens. We can’t navigate the world accordingly if we don’t have accurate information about what is going on around us.

It has been the longest week since the inauguration, and so much has happened. There is so much that we already have to navigate and figure out how to survive. My hope, although thin, is that we don’t have to muster up more resilience to survive another deadly virus while still suffering from COVID-19.

Melissa Menny is an author with a Bachelor of Arts degree in Journalism. She is a poet and a writer in all aspects. When she is not working, she enjoys painting, music, and spending time with her husband and two sons.

This is the most recent in a series of essays about raising young children in the COVID era. Read entry 39 here.